


Valid Dreams

by Rachael_exostan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, erurihan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 06:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9872369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachael_exostan/pseuds/Rachael_exostan
Summary: They finally get to the ocean, they finally get to see the beauty of the outside world. They won. It's a beautiful day. But Commander Erwin’s past crawling up faster than his smile could.





	

**Author's Note:**

> LOLOLOL They did get to the ocean. It's sad that Erwin didn't get to see that. Well, here's an old (not that old lmaoo) fic I wrote right after I read the chapter where Erwin died. I ship Levihan most, but sometimes I love the bond between these three. Anyways, I'm not a novice, you're bound to find many grammatical and/or spelling mistakes. This is also the first time I'm posting my work here, would love some good criticism, just not too hard on me plz I'm fragile being don't hurt my poor heart :p  
> Anyways, here goes the first trial!!!

-~-

“Eren, look it’s the ocean!”  
The survey corps’ eyes fixated over the blonde haired fifteen years old. Armin Arlert pulled out the corner of his mouth into a big smile, eyes glittering at the crashing of blue waves. His friend, Eren Jaeger jumped in and throw away his shoes, Mikasa Ackerman following suit as the Shiganshina trio let the cold water touched the tip of their toes until water reached their ankles. The other 104th training corps graduate joined in as well, fun spirit surround them as the all screamed how cold the water was and laughing at each other’s reactions. Jean Kirstein splashed the water to Eren’s face and the two started fighting, Connie Springer and Sasha Blouse cheering for them in general. Annie Leonhart touched the water with her feet cautiously before she dip in some more. Historia Reiss, the queen of the inside walls, came specifically to see the ocean along with her fellow 104th training corps, two military polices accompanying her both sides. Despite her status and the worried look of her bodyguards, she jumped into the water anyway, feeling it grazed through her shivering feet. She joyfully invited her two bodyguards to come along her as she played with her training comrades. Ymir came and swept Historia on her feet, carrying her bridal style with horror, afraid that the cold water would hurt Historia. Historia then told her to not to worry too much before Ymir finally put her down hesitantly. Historia’s two bodyguards were ready to shoot Ymir in the head with all that fuss. Floch doubted whether it was appropriate to join his comrades, only to find his uniform jacket being tugged towards the water. He was shocked by the event, in which he finally let go. He was part of the squad after all, not ne being in the same division in his trainee days doesn’t make him any less part of the group.  
All of them enjoyed the ocean on their own way, but their expressions speak of the same word, they were happy. They finally get to see the ocean, the vast amount of water that stretches into the infinity, where uncountable number fishes swam inside of it freely.  
Where dreams of freedom and liberality started from.  
And then there were Commander Erwin Smith, Squad Leader Hange Zoe, and Squad Leader Levi Ackerman. The last three veterans of the corps stood two meters away from the shoreline, stared at the heartwarming scene in front of them. This is it, they said. We finally won, humanity finally won. The outside world was now under their wings of liberty, the ocean was right in the grasp of their hands. Erwin laughed in a composed matter, Hange stared at the 104th training corps with the same glittering eyes and even joined into the water, and Levi refused to get in but got dragged by his squad along with Erwin anyway. They both were shocked and disoriented when they got in, before Erwin laughed off how creepy Levi’s face looked like as he threatened his squad. Levi, feeling furious despite his respect for the commander, spitted a joke about Erwin’s eyebrows only to get the same threatening look from the commander. Erwin splashed the water towards Levi, half-furious and half-teasing, before Hange accidentally got in between them, receiving the splash instead. She jumped at the contact and both veterans along with their rookies went into sudden silence. They all stayed still, waiting for Hange’s reaction. Hange showed a menacing face, Erwin was saying words to calm Hange down because he knew how bad would it be if she raged on, all the while what Hange was thinking was that it was good idea to start a game. Before they knew it, she was splashing water all over the rookies’ direction and a splash off started. Even Levi played along, even though defensive circumstance against Erwin and Hange’s splashes was his main reason. It didn’t stop him from smiling once in a while.  
Those three older faces in the crowd showed off different emotions swirling inside of them, but they silently agreed that they felt relieved.  
It was noon when they came to the beach, but before they knew it was sunset already. Erwin commanded everyone to move away from the shoreline and get changing. Sasha’s mouth watered as it was dinner time and she couldn’t wait to get eating, Mikasa dragged Eren from the ocean while he complained about not wanting to part with the water. Armin had to explain that tide rises at night and how dangerous it would be to stay at the shore at night to get Eren to retreat. Jean teased Eren on how immature he was acting, creating yet another fight and Levi had to literally punch some sense into both of them. Connie and Annie conversed on how annoying Jean and Eren were, Connie filling in what she missed out while being crystallized about how even more annoying the duo was like. Annie replied with a sigh, complaining about how unreliable the duo was out of duty. Historia talked about the beautiful scenery with Ymir before receiving a peck on the lips from her. Both walked back with hands tangled in each other. Floch somehow found himself comfortable talking with Historia’s guards, asking for the most recent news inside Wall Sina.  
“Erwin, Hange, we need to build fireplace soon, it’s getting dark.” Levi said as he got back from putting his wet clothes aside.  
Erwin nodded at Levi before turning to Hange. “Let’s get going then. Tell the boys to come with me and collect firewood from the nearest forest. You’re in charge to help the girls prepare the meat that we brought.”  
“Sure, leave it to me!!” Hange said before she went to join the crowd.  
“Make sure you keep it safe from Sasha.” Tipped Levi before leaving with Erwin.  
“I’ll keep that in mind!”  
The evening went just like what was planned. They gathered firewood, grilled the three big pieces of meat together as Sasha wailed at the sight. The Shiganshina trio talked about how amazed they were at the sight of the ocean and discussed about the next stop they should go to of the outside world, Floch came along enthusiastically. Historia joined in the conversation as part of her research on how to make the outside world not that appalling and take people inside the walls outside, asking now and then to her bodyguards for any information. Ymir suddenly popped between Historia and one of her bodyguards, urging to talk to Historia after feeling jealous and lonely only ten minutes since Historia talked to her. Jean joined Connie in keeping Sasha away from the meat slice that wasn’t hers while listening to Annie about her untold experiences being a titan shifter. With poise or with screaming fit, they all chattered like they were going to the street parade inside the walls for the first time; elated.  
But Erwin just sat there staring blankly into the sky, there was just no emotion in him. Even Levi with his usual expression still showed a streak of warmth, not to mention Hange’s face full of color today. It was like all the smiles and laughs he showed that afternoon were gone, stripped right away from his face. Without any of the squad noticing, Erwin slipped out of the crowd only to sit right next to the sea, but not enough for the water to reach his feet during tides. Of course except Levi, he noticed right away because Erwin is a respected person to him to the point his presence was easily felt. With that Levi was about to question his commander, but seeing him in a zoned out state, he decided to watch over him closely from his seat. After seeing Erwin not moving an inch for a while, Levi thought he needed to do something.  
Levi came over to Hange as she was busy listening to Annie’s conversation, Levi figured she would be taking these info into account as a part of her research. Levi tried tapping her shoulder, but Hange was too far into the story she didn’t respond.  
“Hange, can I have a moment?”  
Hange turned to see Levi grabbing her right arm, worried expression across his face. Hange was surprised to find Levi was actually grabbing her arm, knowing that the clean freak rarely touch anyone’s arm, more frankly her arm. She knew she’d be the least hygienic person in the corps because at one point Levi had to render her unconscious to drag her away from the lab to bathe her. Despite all that Levi was there, face looking in dismay while tapping his shoes impatiently. She figured it was something serious and excused herself. Hange’s features soften a bit as she shot back the same worried look to Levi.  
“Something’s wrong, Levi?”  
Levi looked behind his shoulder, showing Hange a blank Erwin staring at the horizon and realization hit her that Erwin was already gone from the bonfire. Erwin was as still as a statue and the way he sat still on the ground without any significant movement got her worried as well.  
“What happened to him?” Hange asked, eyes still darted on the lone figure.  
“I have no idea, thought you might know something.” Levi answered, turning his face back to Hange. Hange sighed as she put her hands on her hips.  
“Don’t know either, should check him out to make sure he’s okay.”  
“Yeah, we should.” Levi finally let her arm go and started walking in Erwin’s direction.  
Hange was about to come along with Levi, but she got conflicted as soon as she stepped forward. Being on Erwin’s side in the Survey Corps for so long and knowing how important he was, whether in or out of duty, she also wanted to make sure the commander was doing fine. He was important to her for she cared deeply for the commander. She had seen Erwin brought his soldiers gracefully into the battlefield for a fight worth pools of blood. He respected his soldiers’ works and sacrifices, even came to check on her after her heavy injury three years ago. She admired her commander. But then there was Levi.  
She knew the strong bond both of them shared ever since Erwin invited Levi to Survey Corps, how Erwin motivated Levi to stay despite the death of Furlan Church and Isabel Magnolia, and how he told Levi not to have any regret in his choices. She knew that Erwin meant a lot to him and after all they went through, especially when things got haywire by the hand of that beast titan Zeke, they were inseparable. She didn’t know exactly how deep their relationship is, but she got the idea and she understood it. She didn’t want to bother them and become the third-wheel. She felt like they both needed some time alone, so she held her step back and watch over instead as Levi left. Hange ended up witnessing Levi stopping in his tracks only few steps through.  
“Hey shitty glasses, are you coming or what?” Levi asked while looking back at Hange, one hand in his hip as he gestured impatience. Hange got flustered, she felt embarrassed for overthinking the situation. Levi might have a strong bond with Erwin, but he knew his share. He knew which one’s for others. Living in Underground might have shaped this personality of him.  
Each one of us has the right to make sure our cared person is all right. Thank you for understanding this, Levi.  
“Coming!” Hange yelled as she came running to match Levi’s tracks.  
\---  
Erwin gazed his eyes into the ocean. The water was murky black at night, with the exception of silver sparkle of the moon reflection. As he remembered what they found in the basement about facts of the outside world, he hypothesized the wind should be blowing to the sea direction at night. He concluded the answer as the wind pricked the back of his neck, leaving hairs on his nape rising, fighting to keep his body temperature warmer. It was really cold that night, yet he felt the low temperature somehow calmed down his raging mind.  
The ocean was the most beautiful thing he had seen after the basement he was really curious of. After all, the ocean was part of the secret in the basement, and discovering it was part of appreciating what was inside the basement.  
But, then there were images of his sacrificed soldiers. The horror, the agony, the scream, the fear, the guilt─  
“Erwin.”  
Erwin turned his head to see Levi standing only few feet away from him.  
“Yo, Erwin!!!” yelled Hange as she stood right next to Levi, her scream was loud enough to make Erwin sense her presence but not too loud to disturb the rookies.  
Erwin’s face scrunched up in confusion as he looked at the two of them, thick eyebrows curved in a way you could never imagine.  
“What are you guys doing here?”  
Levi raised an eyebrow at the question, Hange being as confused as the soldier beside her.  
“What do you mean by ‘what are you guys doing here’?” Hange asked back, slightly annoyed that Erwin didn’t seem to understand the circumstances.  
“We’ve been looking all over for you.” Levi replied, followed by Erwin’s surprised expression.  
“Well, to be precise what he meant was ‘one minute you were there and the next minute you were gone’.” Hange added, sighed afterwards.  
“This four-eyes over here and I are concerned about your well-being. You’ve been sitting here, alone and out-cold for quite some time.” Levi said as walked a few steps closer to Erwin.  
“What’s wrong, commander?” Hange asked again, this time her voice is softer and genuinely worried of her commander.  
Erwin didn’t answer immediately, instead he looked back into the dark pool of water in front of him. He shifted seat on the soft white sand beneath him and motioned both squad leaders to also sit with him, each on his side. Levi and Hange looked at each other confused, but received the invitation anyway.  
Levi sat on Erwin’s right side while Hange took Erwin’s left. Both squad leaders shifted until they found their own perfect position, Levi crossing his left leg and bending his right leg up whilst Hange’s legs were both bent towards Erwin’s side. Erwin just sat there with his legs stretched forward.  
The three of them sat in peaceful and comfortable silence. The eternal ten minutes was spent on staring at the moon reflection, the clear starry sky, and the barely distinguished horizon. Cold air still breezed towards the far ocean. Hange tightened her cloak, Levi did the same after he handed back Erwin’s. Erwin replied with a brief thank you and wore his cloak, realizing just how cold it had been. Erwin cleared his throat.  
“My apology for getting you both worried. I needed some alone time.” Erwin decided to open the conversation. Both Levi and Hange averted their gazes back on Erwin.  
“We know, but you’ve been out for too long.” Hange replied, putting both her hands on her lap.  
“And you were just sitting here staring forward blankly. You didn’t even move an inch from your position.” Levi added, to which Erwin chuckled at.  
“I know and I am sorry for that. It’s just─”  
There was a pause. This time the silent was a cliffhanger, the painful one. Erwin swallowed hard, his firm lips quivered a bit. Both Hange and Levi leaned more towards Erwin by the sudden change of mood, instinct to cover for their commander took over. The sad eyes of the commander gazed down. It was obvious to the squad leaders what pain reflected in Erwin’s pair of orbs.  
It was guilt.  
“─they finally caught up to me. You know, the guilt.” Erwin laughed bitterly on his own words.  
“I’ve always dreamt to know about the truth, the truth about the outside world. I’d do anything to reach that dream, to reach dr. Jaeger’s basement, to finally see the answers I’ve been seeking for.”  
Erwin lips now quivered obviously, his teeth started gritting. For as long as Hange remember, matriculations in survey corps is no kidding, it was underrating to say the post-graduate training was harsh. She went through a lot to know that those gritting teeth were not affected by mere cold.  
It was guilt, yet again.  
“All this time, I sacrificed the lives of my soldiers for the glory of humanity. But deep inside, I knew that I’ve been using my soldiers just for the sake of my dream.”  
Erwin’s fingers trembled. This was the vulnerable side both squad leaders knew existed, somewhere deep within him. Levi knew because he saw it himself when Erwin confessed his dream to see the basement, considering it more important that the glory of humanity. Hange, despite not hearing it for herself, knew that everyone had an ego, just like how she succumbed her love for science in hunting titans, Levi dedicating his life to Erwin’s commands to make up Furlan and Isabel’s death. And then there was Erwin’s and they both knew it in their own ways.  
What the veterans didn’t know was that the day humanity’s victory was achieved, it had also become a grim reminder of the burden they carried. The deadweight that they brought along the journey in every expedition, every dethroning attempt, every rescuing attempt, they had been carrying burden all along. The three last standing veteran made sure that every time a soldier fall, they would make the sacrifices the fallen had put up to didn’t die in vain. They put their efforts ensuring their deaths wasn’t meaningless, therefore they seek the day humanity won to finally give them peaceful afterlife.  
But with personal egos that were also fueling them to survive and reach the finish line, did they really mean it? Did they really mean it to give some meanings in their deaths? Or were they just selfishly chasing their dreams?  
Was it righteous to call themselves as heroes if they had their own goals set to keep them alive?  
Both squad leaders finally understood this. The realization hit them right at home. They realized how the burden will never go away, and that even though they finally reached humanity’s freedom it would never be enough to atone their deaths.  
Hange suddenly reached out Erwin’s left hand, handling it in her lap. Erwin was surprised by her action, all he could was trailed his gaze up to Hange’s face. Being on the same boat as Hange, Levi took in Erwin’s other hand, also cradling it in his care as he intertwined each finger with Erwin’s. Erwin was also surprised by this. All he did was watch as Hange and Levi took each of his hand, Hange planted soft kisses on his fingers while Levi drew soothing circles on his palm.  
A single tear rolled down his cheek. For a while now he had been keeping those pain all to himself, to the point he forgot he was carrying it all along. There were times where it felt like it was going to spill out but he shut the feelings off. He knew his position and kept his dream to drown the sadness with his determination to accomplish it. He thought he really didn’t care. Tears rolled down some more form the firm shut eyes.  
Levi lifted his gaze and pecked Erwin’s cheek, his lips caught Erwin’s afterwards. The kiss was soft, a chaste need of companion was evident in how Erwin moved his lips against Levi’s. Hange took the opportunity to kiss his tears away. She reached out for his soft blond hair, playing between the undercut with her calloused fingers. She kissed his jaw and the scars on his face as if a mother would kissed her child’s wound, her kisses were velvety against Erwin’s stubble.  
“Erwin, we did the right thing,” Levi said right after he parted from the kiss, “you did the right thing.”  
Hange also ceased her kisses. “We have always had our own means to survive, I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with it.”  
“But─”  
“Erwin,” Levi cupped the face of his commander, “for humanity or not, we all have our own ways to keep ourselves alive and cope with grieves.”  
“Your dreams are valid, Erwin.” Hange took both Erwin’s hands in her lap and caressing them. “So as ours,” Hange gazed into Levi’s eyes and glimpsed over the 104th squad recruits, “and so as theirs.”  
Erwin’s erratic breath slowly stabilized. Levi and Hange stayed by Erwin’s sides, not stopping in giving him all the support he needed. They continued to pamper him with pure affection, tender kisses here and there were unadulterated of any sexual desire. Just innocent and caring love to back him up.  
Both affection Erwin received made him feel more at ease. Levi and Hange held out to him, even after both of them experienced their own major personal grieves. He felt cherished, treasured. And so he did the same. He reached out to both of his comrades ─ if he could still simply call them that ─ and encircled his arms around them, taking them closer in his embrace. Levi and Hange didn’t hesitate to squeeze in, both heads rested on Erwin’s broad chest. Levi enfolded Erwin with his left arm while his right reached out to envelop Hange’s body. Hange nestled her head on Levi’s fragrant hair with her left hand stayed on it. Hange also secured her other arm around Erwin.  
The three of them stayed like that, enjoying having each other on their side, safe and sound by the end of the journey. Yes, they had many great losses, say Levi’s operation squad, Mike Zacharias, Moblit Berner, even the new recruits. But they had each other, and they gave it their all to acknowledge those who had fallen in their own ways.  
They had each other. It was enough. It was enough all along.  
\---  
“Hey, Jean?” Floch called as he stopped in his tracks.  
Floch received a long sigh from the said person.  
“What, you wanna call me horse face like what Eren did? Cause I’m fully ready for one more round─”  
Jean also paused his walk and stood next to Floch. Both of them stood by a pile of their three last standing superiors, cuddled together on the sand and deep in their slumber. Both exchanged looks before nodding.  
“I’ll get Eren to grab their trench coats.” Floch said as he turned.  
“Get the others as well, we need all the sleeping supplies here. We can’t let them froze to death.” Jean said as Floch was about to depart, to which Floch nodded at.  
Floch ran back towards the camping ground. In his walks, Floch thought to himself. Well, Commander Erwin and Squad Leaders Hange and Levi sure are close. Floch smiled, I wish we could have a bond as strong as that.


End file.
